There’s a little bit of grace in this blog.
Just when I think I might be done, that I might have nothing left to say, that I might have lost my focus or purpose or be flailing a little, I get a message or an email or someone tells me in person how much they enjoy it.
How it makes them think. Makes them laugh. Helps them gain perspective.
It feels like a gulp of air after being underwater too long.
And so with a renewed spirit and a full heart, I keep going.
But let’s be clear. I don’t have anything figured out. I don’t have it together any more than anyone else.
It’s just one foot in front of another, head down, refusing to make eye contact with the doubt and the shame and the imaginary critics that line themselves up on my path like spectators at a parade waiting for me to trip and fall flat on my face.
It’s gotten easier to share what I write here, but it’s still hard.
I have a choice. I can convince myself that this is pointless, that I don’t have enough readers, enough ideas, enough experience, enough connections.
Or I can accept the grace that is being offered. I can play the odds that at least one person, maybe more, but at least one, is impacted by my words.
One is more than none. And so I win.
And then when I feel like giving up again, because that feeling will return, the universe will deliver another message of support. And all I can do is be open to receiving it.
Like I said, there’s a little bit of grace in this blog. Thank you for continuing to send it my way.
Love you, Kaly!!
Right back at ya JZW! XOXOXOXO
I love your blog. I have given up on many blogs because they were too long to read, not significant for my life, or I did not feel anything reading them…so I am not an addict blog reader but I have not missed one of your postings!
Thanks Val! I am so glad that it’s not too long, significant to you and making you feel something! Totally what I am trying to do.
I read all of your posts and the only reason I don’t comment on pretty much every one of them to say, “Yeah, I feel that way too!” is because I don’t want to be the girl who tries to hard. Just like I have to rein in my exclamation point and smiley face use (!), I have to also temper my enthusiastic responses to your blog, so as not to appear over-eager. =)
I really wasn’t fishing! But still really nice to hear…
Keep it coming Kaly ! Your insight never gets old or tired. You speak for many of us.
Thanks for the encouragement….there are definitely days when I need it more than I let on!
Another comment –
I read with interest and understanding your comment that you just keep your head down and don’t make eye contact with the shame and imaginary critics. Boy! Did I relate to that. One time I was speaking to a very wise woman and was describing myself. I explained that I was one of those people who kept her head down and just kept moving forward and trying to make progress. And she smiled so compassionately and said, “Interesting. Have you ever considered that when your head is down, you cannot see what is front of you?” Well, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I try to keep my head up now, and stare down the shame and imaginary critics. Easier said then done, I know. But an interesting lesson.
I love the imagery of the stare down instead of cowering. If I can learn to look up and see what’s in front of me, I won’t feel so lost without a path. Thanks for sharing that.