three things from the mat

This week I’m back with an attempt at the three things series. I was a little thrown by my Philly trip but now ready to get back to our regular scheduled programming.  I mentioned that May was going to be a quiet month for me.  I’ve been using this downtime to be still (I have not taken on any major projects requiring lists!), and so I’ve been increasing the frequency and intensity of my yoga practice.  I’ve practiced yoga on and off for the last 13 years in all kinds of studios – at my gym, the senior center, my living room, hot yoga, even on the beach (okay that was just once).  Most recently a very persuasive friend convinced me to drive all the way across town to do Bikram yoga with her.  And so for the last few weeks, I’ve been doing 90 minute yoga sessions three times a week in a room heated to 105 degrees with multiple humidifiers blasting. If it sounds like torture, well, that’s because it is.  But here are three things that I have learned from my sweat soaked mat:

1.  Stand tall.  Many yoga poses require an open chest – your shoulders back, spine straight and chest up. When my yoga instructor reminded me to get my chest up, he commented that is something that tall women often find particularly challenging.  And you know those moments when all the dots finally connect and you’re like, “No shit, that is so right on,” and you feel this instant clarity?  Well, I had one of those.  As a fairly tall woman, I find myself shrinking or lessening myself physically. It’s not a dramatic hunch.  It’s a very subtle physical shift. If I can just make myself a little bit smaller maybe I won’t be so, so…. big.  I’ve fallen prey to the idea that women are supposed to be diminutive and petite.  Not a large, towering presence.    Now when I find myself collapsing or diminishing myself, whether I’m in the grocery store or walking into an uncomfortable situation, I try channeling Joan Halloway and get my damn chest up.

2. Sometimes you have to get really uncomfortable before you can get comfortable.  My least favorite part of yoga is back bending.  A yoga instructor recently pointed out that one of the reasons back bending is so hard is because of what’s going on in our head – not our bodies.  When you back bend, you open up the most vulnerable parts of your body. Your belly is totally exposed. We are the only mammals that walk upright, that don’t protect our bellies.  When an animal exposes its belly its often a sign of submission. With back bending you open yourself up big time and that is very, very uncomfortable. This has been the ultimate vulnerability lesson for me.  Exposing yourself is vulnerable. But once you work through that initial instinct to protect yourself, you will be amazed at how far your back can bend.

3. If you can’t do it, see it.   Bikram yoga is known as a real ass kicker.  For the first few classes beginners have a hard time staying in the room for the whole 90 minutes much less making it through all 26 of the poses most of which have two sets. I haven’t had to leave the room yet, but there are some sessions where I am so nauseous and dizzy that I have to sit poses out.  After about five classes in, I still wasn’t doing the whole class without resting.  It’s a fine balance knowing when to accept where you are and pushing yourself to the next level.  So I tried a little visualization exercise.  The night before I went back to the torture chamber/yoga studio, I went through each pose in my head and visualized myself doing it.  And I bet you can guess how this story ends.  The next day, I was able to make it through the entire class. I don’t know much about how or why mental imagery works, but I know that when I take the time to visualize what I’m after I have an easier time getting there.

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to continue my practice during and after our move.  And yes, I’ve checked and there is a Bikram studio within a mile of our new house in Pennsylvania. But it will be summer and the kids will be home and there will be so many new challenges to face.  I’ve got May and I’ve got these three things and maybe that’s enough for now.