What I Did On My Summer Vacation

This summer after moving into our new home, (albeit one block over from our old home but still a move nonetheless), it became increasingly clear as the days and weeks passed that I was having a hard time keeping up with the obligations and expectations of my regular routine.

I could tell you that I made a deliberate decision to put things on hold during this time of transition, but that isn’t exactly how it happened. It was more of a slow fade as I fell out of habits that I spent the better part of the past two years building. Another day would go by without me getting to yoga, posting on my blog, connecting on social media, or promoting my book.

I even stopped checking Instagram and Facebook.

I went dormant. And after about two weeks of feeling bad about it, pushing against it, stressing about all of the momentum I was losing, and mentally beating myself up, I decided to switch gears.

I decided to let it all slip and give myself a vacation. Like my kids who were on a break from the routine of school, I would also let go of my routines. I would let my brain function at a lower level. I would forget about expectations and the pressure to succeed or be seen as a successful person.

On this vacation, I slept in late often rolling over to a clock that said 8:45am. I watched a lot of TV, and I was not discerning. I ate gallons of ice cream, truck loads of popsicles. I stayed up late reading books. I was a strict observer of the ritual of evening porch drinks.

I did summer things like go to the beach and the pool and water parks and baseball games and museums. My kids played multi-day games of Monopoly and hours of hide-and-seek. There were after dinner bike rides and movies at ten in the morning just because we could.

Yes, there were boxes to unpack and closets and shelves to organize. There was always laundry to do. And always dinner to think about (curse you dinner!). But in the natural lulls of our days, I stopped rushing to my computer to try and get something done. I stopped checking social media to see what I was missing. I stopped reading other people’s blogs and comparing. I stopped posting pictures and coming up with clever hashtags. I stopped brainstorming and multi-tasking. I stopped being on top of things. Many days, I stopped carrying my phone all together.

And life went on.

The constant buzzed state that comes from continuous checking and bouncing from one thing to another stopped too.

But maybe that’s what summer is for. Letting things slide.

For being a little looser, a little freer, and a little easier on yourself.

Now that the summer is wrapping up, I’m feeling grateful for the opportunity to revel in this routine-free time. My memory glosses over the sibling bickering and the negative self-talk and the mom guilt that comes when screen time takes on a life of its own.

You might be reading this and thinking, What a luxury to be able to step away for so long. I could never do that.

Trust me, that was the voice I fought against daily when the external pressure to get things done started to boil over:

“Get back to work. You’re losing time. You’re missing opportunities. What the hell are you doing?”

And the only answer was, Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

And maybe that doesn’t feel possible for you in your life right now. I get that because I’ve been there, holding on so tight that you can’t possibly imagine what would happen if you loosened your grip, even just a little.

Maybe just being a little more in the moment is enough. Or letting go of something without guilt or excuses. Or picking up a book instead of your phone. Or sitting with someone you love and playing the game where you try to make them laugh.

Maybe it’s doing any of these things without feeling like you have to capture it and share it.

Yes, I stepped away. But I knew that when my break was over, I would go back to the things that I love and that make me who I am.

I almost wrote, “make me a better person.” But that isn’t really the point is it? To be better?

No, the point is to be true to myself.

Now I’m being deliberate about what I bring back into my life and looking a bit closer at the things that don’t really do it for me anymore. Maybe it’s time to let those things go for good.

This week I went to yoga for the first time in over eight weeks. My body and my brain feel that good kind of tired that comes from pushing yourself just a little harder.

Then I came home and wrote this post – my first post to my blog in over a month.

I could step away this summer, because I knew I would get back to it. When the time was right. When the space was there. Because writing and this blog isn’t just some passing fad or whim. It’s part of who I am.

But it was a good vacation, right?

When Kaly doesn’t have her nose in a book, she wrangles and referees two elementary age boys and blogs about her humorous efforts to lead a mindful, connected life. She’s the author of Good Move: Strategy and Advice for Your Family’s Relocation a book about the craziness of moving with kids. Her writing has been featured on sites such as Mamalode, The Mid, In The Powder Room, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and Scary Mommy to name a few. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.