There is so much information about parenting, sometimes I wonder what I could possibly add to the conversation.
Especially since I realized that every parenting discussion can be boiled down to three things:
Keep your eyes on your own paper.
Do yourself a favor and stop worrying, judging, criticizing, analyzing, discussing other people’s parenting. It’s kind of like talking about the weather–a supreme waste of time and energy funneled into something that you can not control. Focus on yourself and your family and stop making other people’s priorities your business. You may never understand their choices, and it’s probably because it’s none of your damn business. But also remember that you are not alone. Parents face similar challenges, so find a tribe that will support you when you face yours.
Set boundaries you can live with.
When my sons (who are 18 months apart) were toddling around, life was on the challenging side. I was sleep deprived, unhappy, and looking for parenting answers or some kind of guidance. Our pediatrician gave me the most simple, straightforward parenting insight. Being a parent is like being in a pitch black room with your child. Your child is seeing how far they can go, reaching out for the walls. It is the parents’ job to be the walls, to keep the child safe, while putting boundaries in place.
Of course every child is different with their own room with its own dimensions, and every parent has their own way of being the walls. As your children get older, the room gets bigger. But you keep at it. You show them the boundaries. You’re the ever present wall–sometimes you are the touchstone just beyond their reach and sometimes they are slamming right into you. But you’re always there.
The Golden Rule reigns supreme.
Treat others how you want to be treated. Tap into empathy and put yourself into your child’s shoes. Remember to see the world from their perspective. People, including children, are usually not being assholes simply for the sake of being assholes. Usually there is something else going on.
At the end of the day, parenting doesn’t involve much more than this. You will still have many moments of frustration that leave you wanting to poke your eyeballs out. But know that you can tune out all of the other noise about which products will make your life easier, how helicoptering impacts kids, the benefits of breastfeeding…the list is endless. You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to have a plan or a strategy.
Focus on your own family, teach your kids boundaries, and have empathy.
That’s it. That is everything you need to know.
#tenyearsaparent is a weekly blog series about what I’ve learned in my first ten years as a parent. Whether you’re a parent nodding in agreement or shaking your head with disgust or a non-parent using these posts as birth control (the surgeon general wants me to tell you that reading blog posts about parenting is not an effective form of birth control), I’ll be spilling the beans on what parenting is really all about.
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