history lesson

First an announcement: I was on Mamalode again this month with a piece about learning to laugh at myself. I hope you’ll head over and check it out.

Now on to your history lesson:

Even if you could pick me out of a line up, you might not know exactly why or how I got here. So I’ve decided to share a little bit of my history and how it’s led me to this point. I’ve chosen an interview format, because it’s always important to be prepared for when Oprah or Ellen call.

Q: Let’s take it way, way back. What were you like as a child?

My most recognizable attribute was probably the bowl cut that I sported until hot dog roll bangs took over around seventh grade. But if you want to take it beyond my yearbook picture, I would describe myself as a talented social chameleon. I would play soccer with the boys at recess and then go hang with the popular girls at the skating rink. On the surface, I was laid back and up for anything (inside I was riddled with anxiety) and that helped me fit in different places. I spent most of my childhood in Tallahassee, FL where I felt a bit like a fish out of water.

Q: How did you end up in New England?

When it came time for college, I didn’t want to do what everyone else was doing (a lot of my friends were going to big state universities). I’ve always made less obvious and unpredictable choices. Staying with that theme, I chose an all women’s college in Massachusetts and then picked art history as my major.

Q: What does one do with an art history degree?

I had no idea what I wanted to do in terms of a career. Coming out of college I took a job as a general customer service rep at a start-up. The company was growing fast and if you could communicate fairly well, you had a shot at moving up the ranks. I was moved into Product Development and then Marketing and got to work with some pretty big brands. Looking back I was such a baby, but it was sort of like free B-school. I came out of that job really stressed, married (I met my husband there), and with a lot of exposure to the in’s and out’s of business.

Q: Where did your career go from there?

I left that job on a whim without a plan days before my five year work anniversary. I had been working with luxury brands and was a little disillusioned about busting my ass to make the lives of the richest people in the world better. My husband and I knew we wanted to start a family and that we wanted me to have the option to stay home as a mom. We decided to see if we could live on one salary. We had to watch every penny (literally not figuratively), but we were able to swing it. I worked part-time in retail and did a little freelance editing, but I wasn’t inspired in terms of career. I wanted babies. And I got two – back-to-back.

Q: How’d the whole motherhood thing go?

After both of my kids were born in under two years, I was home with them for awhile. I had really idealized the whole stay-at-home mom thing. I thought if I had the project of raising children and keeping house, everything would align and I would find personal fulfillment. It didn’t happen that way for me. I felt like a robot. A robot that was always running on low batteries. A robot with a lot of anger. A very angry, low-energy robot. It was not pretty.

Q: So then what?

I didn’t have a career or job I could jump back into, but I needed to do something. I started volunteering for a non-profit. Within a few months, I was the Program Director and sole employee of a new affiliate location of Dress for Success. It was part-time, but all-consuming. Unlike working for a corporate client, I was working to make the lives of low-income women better. I felt very drawn to the mission, but I let the job take over my life. Eventually, my body gave out under the stress and the poor conditions of the facility I worked in. I was forced to stop. But I learned some really big, painful lessons about myself, and I was forced to do a huge press of the reset button.

Q: What happens when you hit the reset button?

I wasn’t the mother I wanted to be. I wasn’t the wife I wanted to be. I wasn’t the employee I wanted to be. I wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I felt lost, defeated, exhausted, and drained. But something told me that life didn’t have to be that way. After a lot of soul searching I got reacquainted with my real self, and thought, Oh there you are! So nice to see you after all this time! I accepted myself and all of my flaws and gifts. It was a very hard and vulnerable time. I was a brand new hatched chick and had to be very tender with myself. Eventually I began to emerge into the world as the person I know that I truly am and want to be.

Q: Have you always wanted to be a writer?

No one every said to me, You should consider writing. But I am a reader. And an observer. And a connector. And I’m disciplined. I’ve got the bones of a writer. I had been told I was a good writer in my different jobs but I took that as a skill I could use to sell, market, pitch, spin, not as a job in itself. I guess I knew I could write, but I didn’t think anyone was interested in what I had to say. I didn’t value my ideas or my story so I didn’t think anyone else would want to read them. The more I write and share, the more I’m disproving this theory.

Q: Why start a blog? What is your blog about anyway?

I thought about starting a blog for over a year. I looked at hundreds of blogs in the name of research and thought, Why not me? I could do that. But at the same time I wasn’t finding many blogs that I really connected to. I wanted to build something that centered on real life experiences instead of lifestyle. I kept planning and planning. And stalling and stalling. I couldn’t think of a clever, blog worthy name. I didn’t have a niche like all the blogging resources said that you needed. Finally I just made myself start and pledged to figure it out as I went. My blog started as a way for me to rediscover my voice and I’ve tried to write about my real experiences as a woman, wife and mother making my way in this world. More recently I’ve embraced storytelling and humor as a way of connecting with people. I guess you could say that’s KalySullivan.com 2.0.

Q: You wrote a book? What’s it about?

My family moved from Massachusetts to the Philadelphia area in 2013. My husband took a new job, so we took the opportunity to realign our circumstances with our family’s values. It was a big undertaking, but our quality of life has changed for the better. I decided to write the book that I wish that I had during our move. It’s a combination of real moving experiences, strategies for making tough decisions, and insights into the emotional and physical transition that come with a move. I think that families will find it a useful tool in considering moving and everything that goes into it.

Q: What’s next?

I just want to put stuff out into the world that people value whether it’s books, essays or funny stories. I’ve committed to getting 100 rejection letters this year which means going after a lot of different, terrifying, boundary pushing, out-of-comfort-zone experiences. This includes continuing to write for other web sites, really honing my voice on my own blog, writing another book, and taking our company Harlow Park Media to the next level.

Tell me three things about yourself:

1. I’m a recovering perfectionist. I used to opt out of life because I was afraid to make a mistake or be laughed at. Now, I always opt in.

2. I’m not sure I will ever get over having big feet. Walking into a shoe store is always so disappointing even after all these years.

3. I eat all of the broken chips/crackers/cookies first and save the whole ones for last. (It’s almost like I feel sorry for them because they’re broken and I need to show them that even thought they are broken, they can still be picked first. Or am I saving the best for last? Not sure.)