don’t talk about other people’s kids #10yearsaparent

It’s going to happen to you as a parent.

First, you will hear someone talking about your kid. And you’ll have to stifle the urge to go all mama/papa bear on them.

He’s so tall. There’s no way he’s actually seven.

Then, you will find yourself in a situation where you will feel compelled to talk about someone else’s child.

Oh yeah, that Timmy, he’s a handful. He can’t keep his hands off my Tommy.

Or even worse, the ole’ judgement masked as false concern.

I’m so worried about little Julie. She seems to be having such a hard time controlling herself.

I know. I’ve been there. I’ve slipped into this trap many a time.

I’ve developed a simple solution. Don’t talk about other people’s kids.

You may be trying to crack a joke or bond with a friend or just make conversation. Or make yourself feel a bit higher on the good parent totem pole.

It’s so tempting. It’s low hanging fruit. It’s so easy and harmless to chime in and throw your two cents in the mix.

But here’s the thing. You have no idea. And unless the parent of that child is asking you specifically for your insight because you are a world renowned child development specialist, you should stay out of it.

Here’s the other thing. You will be overheard. Someone, an adult or a child, will overhear you. It will come back to bite you in the ass.

You’re probably thinking, Okay Miss Holier-Than-Thou, you never talk about other people?

Of course I do. But I’m trying to draw the line at kids. Because, at the end of the day, they’re just kids. And they deserve to figure themselves out without being under a cloud of adult judgement. Especially some peripheral player with very little influence and a lot of opinions.

We know that talking about people is wrong. That we shouldn’t. But we do it anyway, because it’s easy. Sometimes it can feel comforting to draw a line between us and them.

If you really want to express your concern for someone’s tough situation, talk to them directly. Approach them from a place of genuine empathy and ask them how you can help. If you’re not willing to put your money where your mouth is, you should probably just shut your mouth.

There might be a time when you need to hash something out with another person or go off on a tricky situation or make jokes, save it for your spouse when you’re at home, in private where little and big ears can’t hear you.

But the number one reason to not talk about other people’s kids (after the shame you will feel when caught), is that your kids do what you do.

That should be enough to keep your lips sealed.

And really, aren’t there more interesting things to talk about?

#tenyearsaparent is a weekly blog series about what I’ve learned in my first ten years as a parent. Whether you’re a parent nodding in agreement or shaking your head with disgust or a non-parent using these posts as birth control (the surgeon general wants me to tell you that reading blog posts about parenting is not an effective form of birth control), I’ll be spilling the beans on what parenting is really all about.