you have no idea

The other day I put my kids on the school bus, went to yoga, stopped by the wine store, got home and made a green, gluten-free, dairy-free smoothie, swapped my lululemon yoga pants out for a pair of pre-distressed boyfriend jeans, put my hair in a top knot, made my Whole Foods list…

And thought holy shit, I am such a mom cliché.

Could I be morphing into a soccer mom, a Stepford Wife or the more recent lululemon mom? Or some mutant variation of all three?

How and when did that happen? This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I went to an all women’s college for crying out loud.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

And then I got into a very intense debate with myself about how I might look like that kind of mom, but how I’m really not that kind of mom.

Excuse me for just a minute while I get defensive:

1. Put my kids on the school bus: I send both my kids off to a full day of school, and I look forward to it. I don’t miss them while they’re gone, and I don’t have one ounce of guilt about it. And since I don’t think that they are too precious to be driven by someone else, it’s on the bus they go. Mama’s not about to take 20 minutes out of her day to drive you.

2. Went to yoga: Maybe the first couple of times that I went to yoga I thought, I wonder if this will be the thing that transforms my body from athletic to svelte. Or lithe. I’ve always loved that word: lithe. But that didn’t last very long. My hips and thighs are still exactly the same. I go now, because I like the breathing and the movement and the challenge. Let’s just dispel with the myth that there’s a group of yoga moms all standing around and chatting after class before we go out for lattes and pedicures. Some of us have places to be like…

3. The wine store: Come’on, it was Thursday! Time to stock up for the weekend. I can’t stand the generalization that moms can’t deal with life so they have to drink wine. For some reason, I take serious issue with the stereotype that a glass of wine is mommy’s little helper. I like wine, so I drink wine. I don’t need to use my kids as an excuse.

4. Made a green, gluten-free, dairy-free smoothie: It’s all well and good to scoff and roll your eyes at people with food issues until you’re the one with food issues. A few years ago I had some problems with my digestive system, and now I have to be hyper careful about what I eat or I get sick. I’m not just jumping on the latest food trend. It’s not what I planned, but I’ve accepted it. My experience was a good reminder that when it comes to other people’s food choices, mind your own business.

5. Swapped my lululemon yoga pants out: I own two pairs of pants from lululemon. I bought them as a birthday gift for myself and as a reward for continuing with my yoga practice. They were both on sale. I totally broke into a sweat when they rung them up because it was an obscene amount to spend on workout pants (even on sale), but it turns out that I wear them each a few times a week. I don’t care if they’re see through or made from bamboo or what their former CEO said or didn’t say, what those pants do for my butt is indescribable. I’ll take it.

6. A pair of pre-distressed boyfriend jeans: At least I change out of my yoga gear, right? I have to get dressed every day. I can’t wear my workout gear running errands or around the house for too long without feeling like a hot mess. As for the jeans, I had 25 minutes in Old Navy, and they were the winners. I wasn’t looking specifically for hole-y jeans, but sometimes you get what you get.

7. Put my hair in a top knot: Contrary to popular belief about work-from-home moms, I don’t spend hours grooming at the spa, salon and nail place. I haven’t had my hair done in months which has left it two-toned and scraggly. I find that the trendy top knot does the best job of hiding my uneven hair color and gives more of an illusion of thick lustrous locks. Yeah, right.

8. Made my Whole Foods grocery list: I don’t visit Whole Foods on a regular basis because the parking lot is a nightmare and that’s enough to keep me away. I go about once a month for supplements and toiletries. I like Whole Foods, I just don’t love it enough to brave the small aisles and massive SUV’s jockeying for a parking space to do all of my shopping there. Now Trader Joe’s, I’d swim through a crocodile invested river for you…

The big question is why do I adamantly resist these rather benign generalizations about myself, the choices I make and what they mean. Yes, I can laugh at myself and recognize that it’s all very silly, but I also get defensive because at the end of the day I don’t like to be grouped.

Baby does not like to be put in a corner.

I don’t want to be labeled or categorized into a neat little box.

And more than that, we simply can’t make assumptions and judgements about people by the choices they make.

Of course we know that, but we all do it anyway – even to ourselves.

Next time I find my eyes rolling back in my head at someone else’s choices, I’m going to gently and firmly remind myself:

You have no idea.