moving with kids: one year later

Last July, our family left Massachusetts where I went to college, where my husband and I met, where our children were born and where we had lived for most of our adult lives. It was where we had built our life together. It was home. And while we were very happy with some aspects of that life, we felt that some of the things that we valued as a family weren’t exactly how we yearned for them to be.

When a career opportunity was offered to Kevin that would move us to a different city (Philadelphia) in a different part of the country (mid-Atlantic), we decided that this was our chance to be more mindful and deliberate in the choices we were making that significantly impacted our quality of life.

Quality of life is a loose term. No two families will experience it the same way. For our family, here are a few of the major changes that we decided to make with our relocation. The thing about moving is that it can so easily be a grass is greener situation. There’s almost always some sort of trade off. You’re losing one thing to gain another.

By making some very deliberate choices around our quality of life, we planned on lessening that risk. One year later the question is, did the gamble pay off?

Transportation

Probably the biggest shift for us, we’ve totally overhauled how we get from place to place. After an hour plus (each way) car commute in Massachusetts, Kevin now takes the train which gets him from our front door to his desk in 30 minutes. He’s basically gained an hour and a half back in his day that he’s been able to use for exercise, hanging out the the kids, watching baseball. Anyone who has had a long car commute knows how stressful that can be. With our move, we were able to eliminate that stress and a very hefty gas bill, and our lives are no longer controlled by traffic.

We also live near our town center and can walk to just about everything that we need (library, park, coffee, wine, yoga, ice cream, church, dry cleaners, movies, toy store, five and dime, pub, you know – the essentials.) We even walk to the doctor and the dentist. I still drive to the grocery store and the pool in the summer (during the school year, the boys take the bus to school), but overall we spend very little time in our car. So little, that we were able to sell one car and are now a one-car family.

This has probably been the biggest shift for us. Because we are walking and are out and about, we see people. There’s more opportunities to chat with our neighbors and this has made it easier for us to make friends, meet people and become part of a community. Before, I was very good at hiding out in my house, parking in my two-car garage and being a hermit. While I knew that we would save money and be a little more active, I didn’t anticipate how much walking would change our social dynamic.

Community

At 8:45 am, our doorbell rings. Can you come out and play? The boys rush around grabbing socks and breakfast and are out the door in record time. Seriously, I’ve never seen them move so fast. Sometimes we don’t see them until lunch. Our block is a throwback to a pre-playdate world. We could have never planned into our relocation moving to a block riddled with elementary age boys, but it has been a very large part of our last year.

What we did plan, was moving to a community that had a vibrant family life and a sense of pride. When people love a place, they participate in events and contribute. We’ve felt that over and over again in the past year.

House

We don’t own a home anymore. We are renters, and yes, our rent is more than our old mortgage. I’m still convinced we’re just about breaking even if you take into account repairs and upkeep and binges on Threshold items at Target.

But not owning a home means not feeling that constant need to put resources into making it better. We haven’t been to Lowe’s in a year. I don’t even know where it is. I don’t troll Home Goods for that perfect thing we must have to make our house a home. This has added hours back into my life. We nap on Sunday’s instead of tackling improvement projects.

We originally bought a home because that is what you’re supposed to do after you get married, but moving has helped us reevaluate some of those long-held beliefs that are ingrained into our society. While we miss the security of owning a home (we will have to eventually move again), renting has opened up space in our lives for other things. Like…

Starting a Business

Sure we could have started a business in Massachusetts, but with the way our life was structured it didn’t feel like there was time and space to take on that project. And we weren’t inspired. There’s also a certain kind of energy that we’ve picked up living in a more urban area. Kevin works in a city, not an office park. It may seem like a subtle difference, but that energy of growth, forward momentum and creativity has been more apparent for us in our new location.

Urban Access

A great thing about Philadelphia is that it is very accessible, easy to drive and walk around and the parking is pretty easy compared to other metro areas. We’ve had no problem driving in and finding a meter on several different occasions. There is so much going on in our town that we access the city less for recreation than I thought we would, but it is still nice to be able to visit great museums, restaurants and shopping. It’s easy to pop in for an errand or a few hours. When the kids were in school, Kevin and I would meet up for lunch weekly. We still have so much to explore, but we’re getting to know our way around.

We wanted to be near a city to share with our kids a more diverse way of living than we grew up with. Yes, that means seeing shows and visiting museums, but it also means the bigger picture that not everyone lives the same way. Not everyone is like us.

What We Miss

The trade off for us has been being further from family in Massachusetts. And of course friends.  And I do miss New England, because it had become so comfortable to me. And not knowing the geography of a place gets a little old. I know so little about this region and how it all fits together.

These are probably the biggest changes that we’ve made in the last year. And just this weekend, we decided that our transition is officially over. We’re not new anymore. It’s been a year since we moved, and we’re not looking back. Because we knew what we wanted and were clear about our intentions and were a little bit lucky, our move has been an incredibly positive experience for every member of our family.

If you are thinking about moving or reevaluating your family’s quality of life, I’m working on a book about just that. It will be available this fall through our new company Harlow Park Media.