holiday giving guide

Welcome to my holiday giving guide. I won’t be linking up to my favorite retailers and must-have’s. You’ll have to do your own shopping. But I have prepared some gift giving insights. As for the Top Gun poster, I’ll get to that later. Hold on tight. This is a long one.

It’s List Week. The week after Thanksgiving when everyone starts to get a little anxious about Christmas being merely weeks away. And they start asking for your lists.

I did this to my own children on Monday. Make your Christmas list right now. No screen time until you make your Christmas list. This list has to be categorized and price shopped and redistributed through a variety of family networks or you will get nothing, NOTHING, under the tree. Okay, I didn’t actually say that. But it’s what I was thinking.

Of course lists are especially helpful with kids when you have multiple relatives from different parts of the country trying to pick out a gift and they don’t want to get them something they don’t want or something they already have or duplicate efforts. I wonder if there was so much coordinating when I was little, or if you were lucky enough to receive two Cinderella Barbie’s you just called them twins?

Until I had my own kids, I was a little anti when it came to list making. As a kid, I thought Santa should know what I wanted. Since he sees me all the time, he must have an understanding of the toys that would best fit me taking into consideration what I already have and my current interests. Wasn’t it horribly inefficient to continue to ask via letter, via the Mall Santa? He already knows.

And then as I got older, it was the same thing. If you know me, it should be easy to pick out a gift. I think I am the easiest person in the world to shop for. I have many interests from cooking to fashion to art to books to music. Piece of cake. My husband and mother would beg to differ. I can see them both shaking their heads in disbelief right now.

And then somewhere along the way, it becomes more about what you need and less about what you want.

What do I need?  Hmmmmm. Let me think. I need one nail polish that isn’t all gloppy that won’t make my toes look like they belong on a cadaver and will hopefully only have to be reapplied once before Easter. I need a cookie sheet that isn’t encrusted with glitter from that crafting project gone awry. I need a portable speaker so I can drown out the sound of bickering just enough (headphones would be too much). I need socks without holes. Maybe a yoga shirt that doesn’t ride up?

But what about what I want?

This year I decided that I would only put things on my Christmas list that I wanted. Not that I needed. I don’t remember needing my Top Gun poster when I was 11, but I sure did want it.

And that’s what makes the most special holiday gifts – the type of gift we all aspire to give and all want to receive – that something that you didn’t even know that you needed or wanted until you have it.

Sure, there’s a certain element of risk when you don’t designate exactly what you want and the size and the color with a link to the exact item. You might not get what you want. You’ll get what someone else wants you to have. Because ultimately, giving gifts has everything to with the person giving the gift and very little to do with the person receiving it.

The reason why I think we gravitate towards the safety of the list is that it prevents us from having to reveal too much. When you give a gift you’re also giving away how you view that person usually through the lens of your own wants and needs. When you’re the recipient of said gift, you’re getting a glimpse of how someone sees you even if it’s not how you see yourself. Danger. Lurking around every corner.

I’ll never forget an applique vest my grandmother made me for Christmas in ninth grade. I was horrified at the time. She thought I would like that! Has she even looked at me recently in my baby doll dresses and Doc Marten’s? She doesn’t even know me!

But at the time, that’s what my grandmother was into – applique vests. It wasn’t about me at all. It was about her giving a piece of herself – her interests, her time, her craft – to me. If she were here today, I would wear that applique vest like it was my job. Maybe. A vest is a tricky thing to pull off.

Here’s the tough question. Can we get over what we need and what we want and be willing to receive what someone has to give?

Whether your pro list or anti list, giving or receiving or still eating Thanksgiving leftovers (PS Get it together!), you’ll have to put yourself on the line. Will they love it? Or will you be entered into the Bad Gift Hall of Fame? Or even worse – banished into the collective holiday amnesia forever to be forgotten.

When all else fails, go for the Top Gun poster. And the gift receipt.