We like our sports around here. And our kids are at the age where we can hang out on a Sunday afternoon with a game on (yesterday it was Eagles vs. Redskins) and have some snacks and Rainbow Loom the afternoon away. It’s not a bad set up. Especially when mom and dad have been out the night before and need a little, ahem, recovery time.
And yesterday was one of those days. But as I tried to browse the December InStyle with one eye on the game and one eye on any impending Rainbow Loom disasters, it was the commercials that made me cringe. I quickly realized that football, even on a Sunday afternoon, isn’t exactly family friendly.
My kids are six and eight. They understand most of the rules of football and know a decent amount of players. They’re observant enough to comment on how almost all the commercials during sporting events are for cars and beer. So they’re not entirely clueless. They understand enough, but not everything. And watching football with them reminded me that there are certain conversations I’d like to put off as long as possible. And no, we don’t have a DVR so like dinosaurs, we still live with commercials.
Here are three things I don’t want to explain to my kids:
1) Mom. Mom. Mom. Why did he just put that shot into his own neck? Okay FOX, we get it. J.J. Abrams has a new show, Almost Human, and you’ve decided to promote it every waking moment. And the robot-cop-from-the-future-who-really-has-feelings processes a blood sample from a corpse by injecting a needle into his own neck. That’s a lot for a small brain to process. We’ve totally embraced the saying, Update your files, let’s go. But the rest? It’s a lot of semi-automatic weapons and bomb squads for the early elementary school set.
2) It just doesn’t sound worth the risk. That’s what one of my sons said after the Cialis voiceover recited the long list of possible side effects of the medication. There was a point when Viagra/Cialis commercials only mentioned erectile dysfunction as if that isn’t traumatizing enough. But yesterday one mentioned sex too. Give. Me. A. Break. Everyone who needs to know what that grizzled, chiseled handsome man is after – knows. Can you just keep it on the DL during the 1:00 and 4:00 game? After 8:00pm, knock yourself out.
3) Mom, what’s a Hunger Game? Oh you know, a competition where children are chosen at random to fight each other to the death. Don’t worry. It happens in the future. The Catching Fire previews were definitely catching their attention. They’re flashy and exciting and adventurous. And I’m sure they’ve heard other kids talk about the Hunger Games. I’m just not ready to introduce them to Katniss quite yet so I settled for, A contest. Which was met with, About eating? Not exactly. Not sure how long this one will hold.
This parenting thing never ends.
PS I’m very curious to see how mentioning erectile dysfunction (now twice) blows up my spam folder.
You made me laugh out loud!
Mission accomplished!
i’m amazed you don’t have Cialis on your “banned word” list for comments. Those ads are the most ridiculous things ever. Bathtubs for two on the bluff at sunset!!
Dude my spam filter is off the hook. I’m getting nothing. It makes me very curious about why RAD is such a hot bed for naughtiness.
“It just doesn’t sound worth the risk” by one of the boys—is hilarity in it’s fullest! So wise—and EXACTLY what I think every time I see those crazy lists of side effects—-including DEATH! When I’m stressed out to the max, I will remember that tidbit and laugh my ass off! That’s just sooooo classic!
Hi Mary Colleen – Thanks for the comment! I’m sure there are many many men who would disagree. But please, use as comic relief as needed.
OMG, you have no idea (actually, wait, apparently you do) how many times I’ve been relieved to have found programming on TV that I actually think is okay to have on while my kids are around, only to become incredibly frustrated to realize that while the show is appropriate, the commercials are NOT!!! Mostly, this comes in the form of movie previews and ads for TV shows. Um, hello TV networks, if a movie is rated R, please don’t show its violent, scary, skanky trailers at times when kids might watching. I’ve been thinking this for a long time now and I’m so glad someone finally mentioned it because no one ever seems to.
Totally agree. We were watching Master Chef Junior as a family On Demand. You can’t ff through the commercial and they were totally NOT family friendly on a show geared toward families. I composed the letter to FOX in my head every commercial break. But if you can handle the commercials, I highly recommend Master Chef Junior. The boys loved it. AND I’ve also noticed that some of the design shows that the kids were into like Fashion Star use the word sexy like every three minutes. Ridiculous.
I wish they would legalize those devices for blocking commercials.
If that never happens, I’m sure we’re not far from more targeted tv commercials which would be fine by me. I actually kind of like them when they’re applicable to me. I’ll take a festive Target commercial any day of the week.