game changer – brené brown

One of the things that I want to do on this blog is share what’s inspiring me, making me think and helping me get away from doing the same old shit.  So here goes.  I read a lot of books.  I read a lot of self-help books.  Books about how to be happy and find yourself and do what you love and tap into your true self and live with intention and be a better spouse and woman and mother.  I don’t think I have any more issues than anyone else (or that’s what I like to tell myself).  But I do like to think about my life and be conscious of where I’ve been and where I’m going.  I just like to know that I am not the only one with all of these confusing feelings and contradicting behaviors.  That my whole experience is not in my head but also happening to other people.  That I am connected.  That I’m not in this on my own.

This last year, as I put myself in an extended time out (or as Brené  Brown says had a breakdown spiritual awakening), I’ve been really thinking about how I want to live and how I want to feel and how I want to be.  Brené  Brown’s work has been a game changer for me – helping me get clarity and move forward with living, as she calls it, whole-heartedly.  Brené  (I like to think we’re on a first name basis) is a shame researcher – what the heck does that mean?  It means that she has spent years researching shame and vulnerability through thousands of interviews and has compiled the data to provide us with some powerful insights on how we live today.  I first came across her work last fall.  Her third book, Daring Greatly, had just come out and a couple of newsletters that I subscribe to were promoting it (one of them being GOOP – thanks g.p.).  Then I spent an hour one afternoon curled in bed with the iPad shooing away the kids while I watched Brené’s TED videos back to back.  Her message just clicked with me.  I teared up more than once, because what she was saying hit me so hard. Over the last few months, I’ve read all three of her books. Here are a few of the things that I’ve dog-eared that I keep going back to over and over again:

1) To live whole-heartedly, you must have a strong sense of love and belonging and worthiness.  You have to stop numbing yourself and constructing intricate suits of armor – you have to be vulnerable.  You have to let go of perfectionism, what people think, addictions, the idea that there’s never enough, the need for certainty, comparison, productivity as self-worth, anxiety as a lifestyle, always being in control. Easier said than done.  I am very guilty of using all of those methods to protect myself, like every day.  But being able to name them has helped me tremendously.  I just feel better, more myself and a little more whole-hearted.

2) It is not the critic that counts. It is the person in the ring, daring greatly. In daring greatly, you make yourself vulnerable.  And vulnerability is the catalyst for courage, compassion and connection and the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.  It’s the key to authenticity.  And it’s scary as hell.  But it’s where true connection and meaning lives. Sometimes daring greatly has just been making different choices. Taking tiny, tiny steps to be in the ring instead of a spectator.

3) Being a parent can be one of the most anxiety inducing parts of my life.  When I’m overwhelmed with the pressures of parenting I flip to this quote from Daring Greatly: “The question isn’t so much ‘Are you parenting the right way?’ as it is ‘Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?'” This helps me put parenting back in perspective.  My kids have more to gain by me living whole-heartedly than by me trying to control every last detail of their lives.

So yes, I’m a huge Brené  fan and I highly recommend reading one of her three books or at least start by watching her TED videos (you can find both here) or checking out her blog.  She is warm and funny and personable. I have this vision of one day meeting her and giving her a big hug.  I’m sure she gets that all the time, and it wouldn’t be creepy at all.

This is my first non-move related post, and I’m excited to introduce you to Brené.  Or am I preaching to the choir here?  Have you already figured this all out?   Would love to hear your thoughts.  If you’ve encountered her before, is her work a game changer for you too?