For the mothers that I know who aren’t currently earning a steady paycheck, going back to work is usually discussed as a matter of when, not if.
If you’ve been home with your kids and you’re ready to go back to work, I thought I’d share with you my recent experience getting an office job.
I took an office job back in December. I had been working on my writing, my blog, and my book Good Move, at home, on my own, for the past three years. There are great benefits to working by yourself, for yourself, in your own home, especially when you’re as introverted as I am. And as proud as I am of the work that I did during that time, I was getting a little itchy for something new. With that something new being: money.
Regular, steady, reliable, money. I was tired of hustling trying to string together a little here, a little there.
I know I’m not supposed to say that. All of my minimalist gurus and self-help mentors have warned me over and over again about chasing money. But here’s the deal: I had woven a story in my head about the value of flexibility. And flexibility is great, especially when it comes to raising children. But, all the flexibility in the world doesn’t mean diddly-squat if your husband doesn’t have the same amount of flexibility and you don’t have extra money to do the things that you want to do while having this flexibility.
I realized I needed to rethink my position on flexibility.
My children are in the middle of elementary school, and I feel strongly about being there for them in the few hours a day that they aren’t in school. But I was kind of cutting off my nose to spite my face when it came to this whole flexibility thing.
My original plan was to build out the freelance side of my work so that while my kids were in school I could make a little extra money from home. I was not planning on adding an office job or a commute to my life.
I started interviewing for a position as a freelance writer and blogger for a startup in the financial services industry. This job was first pitched to me as a work-from-home gig. During the interview process, the scope of the job and the location of where they wanted me to perform the job changed. When they offered it to me, I had to decide if adding a commute, working in an office, and embedding myself in the culture of a company was something that I was prepared to do.
Let me be perfectly clear. I was able to negotiate amazingly flexible hours. I work two days a week in the office, during school hours, and each week I pick the days that work best for me. The rest of my hours I can do from home on my own schedule. I can get my kids on and off the bus. I build my schedule around my routine of exercise, running errands, and whatever else needs to get done in any particular week.
I’m not writing this to tell you how cushy my schedule is (but it is a good reminder that if you are talking to a potential employer, it can’t hurt to ask for what you want). Today I want to tell you how amazingly surreal it is to be working in an office after an extended break at home with your children.
working in an office
Being in an office feels like I’m trying to use my high school Spanish to tour Spain. It’s all vaguely familiar, but I’m not totally sure what’s going on. Things have changed since I left my last office job in 2005. After getting my key card (I did remember how to use one of those!), I was escorted to my desk where two very large monitors were awaiting my arrival.
Two monitors? What the heck do I need those for? They’re bigger than my tv at home. Am I going to be screening movies from my workspace? When the office manager walked away, I pulled out my phone and Googled: how to use two monitors. Whew. Dodged a bullet on that one.
Email is so 2005. Now we mostly chat and message each other. I refrained from Googling etiquette for interoffice chat because only a dinosaur would take it that far. I’m still anti-emoji and refuse to use them in any situation. My style in chat is to drop all capital letters and use minimal punctuation. Sometimes I type thx. That is hard for me.
An open layout encourages collaboration. Even the C levels sit among us commoners. I guess that’s cool…if you’re not introverted and feel like your mind is going to explode when you are trying to concentrate on writing and there are three phone conversations, two casual meetings, and one conversation about Spotify vs. Google Music going on in the ten feet surrounding your “workspace”. Most of my real writing gets done at home.
The vending machines where back in the day I got my Cheez Its and Diet Cokes have evolved to a pantry stocked with KIND Bars and Vitamin Waters. But there are also individually wrapped Sour Patch Kids which must be developer crack because when the box is empty you would think that the world is coming to an end. Next snack that will cause the apocalypse if out of stock: rice crispy treats. They haven’t figured out that I’ve been sneaking both home to my kids – working mom guilt.
Some things are the same. When you want something or need people to gather, your best bet is to order food or a very large cake. It’s always cold at your desk and broiling in the conference rooms which are of course, always double booked.
And just like any startup worth its VC dollars everything is a priority and needs to be created today and implemented tomorrow.
being on a team
When it comes to meetings, group projects, and group communications, I’m rusty. I never know when to reply all or when to ask for feedback. I compose messages and stare at them until I finally say to myself, “Kaly – YOU’RE OVERTHINKING IT.”
And then I think, “F, it.” and hit send. Besides my affinity for the f-bomb, I am one of the more mature members on the team and the only mom. I’m trying hard not to be motherly, but sometimes I can’t help myself. I proactively recommended a neti pot to someone with a cold. He looked at me like I had four heads. But he was so congested. He could barely breath!
having a boss
After a few years of working for myself, I’m enjoying regular validation from my boss that I’m on the right track. I don’t have to be the leader and the cheerleader and the task master and the visionary. I can do what I’m good at: writing. They give me a concept that fits into a bigger strategy, and I give them back the words they need. It’s more freeing than I could have imagined.
being part of something
My company is young, growing, trying to find itself, sort of like an awkward teenager. I like these formative years in a company when it’s a little messy and unruly while they try to figure things out. Their mission is one I can get behind, but I’m enjoying the fact that at the end of the day, I am not ultimately responsible. Sure, I do my part and my best work, but the whole thing isn’t sitting on my shoulders. It’s the first job that I’ve had that hasn’t turned my nervous system to Jello.
having a commute
My new employer is located in an office park about 25 minutes from my house. It’s the kind of depressing, beige, five-story building that you see from the highway and think, “I’m glad I don’t work there.” But it’s new enough, the bathrooms are clean, there are lots of windows, I always find parking, and I don’t get stuck in traffic. When you’re old, female, and have been out of the workforce for ten years, you know that practical is better than funky.
getting dressed
In theory, the dress code is casual and I can wear my existing wardrobe, but that doesn’t stop me from carefully considering my outfit choices, upping my eye make-up game, and complaining every morning that I don’t have the right shoes. It’s a fine balance between making an effort and not looking like I’m trying too hard. I’m not in direct competition with the Millennials, but I don’t want to be totally upstaged by them either. Can someone please, for the love of God, tell me where they’re getting their perfect ankle boots?
getting out the door
My husband is incredulous when my alarm goes off at the same time as his. After years of staying in bed to the very last possible minute in the morning, I’m now getting up extra early to make sure that my office days aren’t stressful. I wake up with plenty of time to get myself dressed, make lunches, sit and have a cup of coffee, check my email, and prep for my day, all before I wake up the kids for school. My husband is waiting for the alien to burst out of my abdomen.
keeping work at work
I have a history of letting work take over my life. When it does, it’s not pretty. Right now, as a freelance employee, I’ve dodged putting my work email on my phone, and I am blowing off the idea that I need to be connected at all times. I remind myself that I do not get paid enough to be on call. I am not a doctor.
contributing to our family’s finances
It feels really good to have some money to put in the pot although I’m mentally planning exotic trips and picking out new kitchen cabinets and coordinating hardware and my husband is imagining, can you believe this, saving it. We have some thinking to do on how to best use my contribution. But I had forgotten how good it feels to be putting something in vs. always taking something out.
finding my confidence
During my interview, I was really selling my previous experience working with credit cards because even though that was a long time ago, I thought it was the most relevant to this position. I was caught off guard when my soon-to-be boss said that the marketing experience is fine, but we really want you because of your voice. We want your voice to be the voice of our company. And I was like, holy shit. Wow, that’s really flattering. No pressure. OMG. How am I ever going to pull this off?
When I feel a fish out of water flailing around, I replay that in my head. I have something that they want and find valuable that they can’t get anywhere else. And they want to pay me for it.
But even with all of that, I’m still worried. Am I making the right choice? Am I staying true to myself and my purpose? Are these good feelings going to last? Will I let this job take over my life and end up miserable and overworked? And the honest answer is: I don’t know. I will just have to wait and see. But it is nice to know that even if this job doesn’t work out, I’ve proven that I can get a job. After a lot of years off the market, that is nice to know.
In the meantime, if you’re considering looking for a job or think that it might be time to re-enter the workforce, this is what you need to know:
You are relevant. You have something to offer.
There might be two giant monitors on your desk, but you’re a mom, and whatever they throw at you, I guarantee that you can figure it out.
When Kaly doesn’t have her nose in a book, she wrangles and referees two elementary age boys and blogs about her humorous efforts to lead a mindful, connected life. She’s the author of Good Move: Strategy and Advice for Your Family’s Relocation a book about the craziness of moving with kids. Her writing has been featured on sites such as Mamalode, The Mid, In The Powder Room, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and Scary Mommy to name a few. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.
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