#10yearsaparent is back! Here’s a little humor to get your creative juices flowing.
Now that the kiddos are back in school, you’re probably starting to wonder…
How long until Ms. Teachy-teach starts noticing what a creative genius my child is?
How long until my darling is recruited to be in the special program exclusive to following-in-Steve-Jobs-footsteps kind of kids?
How long until all those hours of sitting on the floor pretending I like pretending pay off?
If your child is highly creative they will display some, if not all, of the following behaviors:
1. Eats art supplies because full ingestion and digestion is part of their creative process.
2. Bangs on things repetitively without any sense of rhythm refusing to conform to standard definitions of music.
3. Has developed 83 different words for poop and 67 different words for fart.
4. Turns Play-Doh into 39 different types of poop.
5. Uses deductive reasoning and code-breaking skills to repeatedly hack into your iPad.
6. Develops a full arsenal of weaponry made entirely out of Legos.
7. Appreciates all surfaces as a canvas and all mediums but really prefers walls, furniture, and Sharpies.
8. Develops new genre of poetry/performance art that consists of saying the same phrase over and over again until the closest parent breaks down crying.
9. Spins fanciful yarns involving trolls and secret spells to explain why they can’t clean up a mess.
10. Develops idea for a new App that tracks all the things that are not fair.
11. Creates a whole cast of imaginary friends that are responsible for torturing their sister.
12. Has completed first draft of memoir titled: I Didn’t Do Anything, Ever.
13. Can stretch time indefinitely with the Five More Minutes theory.
14. Turns food into sculpture, abstract tableaus, or murals instead of eating it.
15. Has perfected the dramatics of throwing oneself on the floor and crying on cue.
16. Choreographs multi-act ballets to the soundtrack of Frozen that the whole family must watch.
17. Documents every time you yell on video and screens it in your living room.
18. Will only eat candy in ROY G BIV order.
Sound familiar? You undoubtedly have a highly creative child on your hands. Call and email your school’s principal repeatedly and demand the quality education that your very special child deserves.
#tenyearsaparent is a blog series about what I’ve learned in my first ten years as a parent. Whether you’re a parent nodding in agreement or shaking your head with disgust or a non-parent using these posts as birth control (the surgeon general wants me to tell you that reading blog posts about parenting is not an effective form of birth control), I’ll be spilling the beans on what parenting is really all about.
When Kaly doesn’t have her nose in a book, she wrangles and referees two elementary age boys and blogs about her humorous efforts to lead a mindful, connected life. She’s the author of Good Move: Strategy and Advice for Your Family’s Relocation a book about the craziness of moving with kids. Her writing has been featured on sites such as Mamalode, The Mid, In The Powder Room, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and Scary Mommy to name a few. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.
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