are we having fun yet?

I just had a long weekend.  And I had a lot of fun.

Let me back up.  In January I was taking a class, and I was given the assignment to go out and do something fun.  Sounds simple right?  The best homework assignment ever.  It was an online class, so as I was sitting at my computer getting this assignment, I was ready to work.  I know how to work.  I know how to focus and prioritize and plow through.  And I know how to relax.  I know how to take care of myself and give myself room to recharge.  But this assignment really threw me, because in my life today I have put a lot of focus on happiness, but fun is really a whole different animal.  Fun.  I could tell you what was fun for me when I was 11, 16, 19, 23 or 28.  But when you’re in your mid-thirties, with two kids, friends who are even busier than you are, a husband with a horrible commute and it’s the middle of winter – what is fun?

But now it’s May, and fun seemed a little bit more accessible as I boarded the 11:52 Northeast Regional train to Philadelphia on Thursday morning.  But first I had to study up because I do know that a really large part of having fun for me is good conversation.  I was about to spend a few days alone with my husband, and I was determined that we would not spend precious time talking about logistics – selling our house, moving, our kids.  We would have good, engaging conversations about interesting topics, and I had about five hours on that train to make myself interesting.  So I got down to business reading the New Yorker and Vanity Fair cover to cover while eavesdropping on conversations around me.  Not only did I need smart perspectives on current events, I needed anecdotes. So by now you might be wondering if I am kidding.  And I can assure you that I am not.  There is nothing less fun then being out at an Iron Chef’s restaurant wearing your favorite necklace and a new dress with the person you like the most in the world while your kids are three states away and you have nothing to talk about – “So.  Did you get a chance to empty the lint trap?  Has that rash on Colin’s chin cleared up?”  Not.  Fun.  Sure I might have started every other sentence with “I read in Vanity Fair…” but I had done my due diligence and our dinners and urban strolls were filled mostly with good, fun conversation.  My take away – sometimes it takes a certain amount of preparation to have fun.

Creating a sense of adventure also significantly adds to the fun factor. In Philadelphia near Kevin’s apartment there are cool bars and restaurants lining just about every block.  So to really amp up the fun, we decided we’d try a bar that is hidden in Chinatown.  As the cab pulled up to the address, there was no sign marking the entrance, and we were lucky to glimpse the couple ahead of us just slipping into the front door.  After being asked to wait at the door and then being escorted into a sort of holding room where the rules of the bar were explained to us (cash only, no beer, no wine, no pictures or phone calls allowed), we were finally shown to our seats by Mr. Lee the owner and proprietor of the Hop Sing Laundromat. Mr. Lee checked on us throughout the night, “Everything to your liking Mr. & Mrs. Sullivan?”  It was straight out of a movie.  We saw people get asked to leave for being too rowdy.  “This is not that kind of place,” Mr. Lee explained to us later as he apologized for the disruption.  We stayed for two really well made cocktails and left feeling like we were in on this secret that was meant for people much cooler than us. As we departed, Mr. Lee was chastising a potential patron trying to get in, “How can I serve you when you wear tennis shoes?” Hokey?  Sure.  But also really fun.  Could we have had as much fun at another bar?  Maybe.  But being adventurous created a total experience that was more than just going out for a few drinks.  We got in.  We were special.  We were Mr. & Mrs. Sullivan in a hidden bar in Chinatown.  And they are fun.

Back in Massachusetts on Sunday, I got to spend Mother’s Day with my mom.  As she lives in Florida, there just aren’t many years where this works out.  We didn’t go to brunch or exchange gifts.  We went to Barnes & Noble.  We got frozen yogurt.  (Books and frozen treats are instant happiness for this mother daughter pair).  But one of the most fun parts of my day was an impromptu baseball game.  Back in January when that homework had fun eluding me, I decided that my approach to the assignment would be to do the opposite of everything that I would normally do. Instead of watching tv after the kids were in bed, I challenged Kevin to Scrabble.  Instead of curling up with a book while the boys were outside playing in the snow and enjoying the quiet, I went out with them and helped them build snow fort.  Basically, I forced myself to stop doing the same thing.  To get out of my ruts and my habits.  And that’s where I discovered fun.  So on Mother’s Day, when the boys were practicing baseball with their dad and grandfather, I could have easily just sat in the sun, chatting with my mom and being a spectator.  But instead, I dragged my non-competitive, non-athletic self, wearing a dress (with leggings) into the baseball game.  I chased grounders. I batted swinging wildly at every pitch, hitting a mere few. I sprinted from base to base.  I did everything that I would not normally do.  I abandoned all my insecurities that in the past would have kept me sidelined.  I played baseball, a sport I have never really played, with a great sense of fun.  It was a good reminder that fun is sometimes is just about getting in the game.

I’m feeling much better about fun in my life after this past weekend.  I needed a little refresher course. Are you good at fun? Could you be better?